I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
