How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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