im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
