elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
