"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
