i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
