Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
