I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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