sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
