new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
