You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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