I look better un-naked...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
