The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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