every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
