How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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