I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
