I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize