This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
