U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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