i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
