He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
