Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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