i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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