why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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