Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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