It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
