yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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