another moral hangover. fuck.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
