Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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