I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
