So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
