omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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