I hate your face
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
