If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
