Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
