only if we run a train.
done.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
