i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
zippers are such a cool invention
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize