I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
