when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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