ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think people are normalizing furries
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
