so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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