if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
