i permit you to call me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
