Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
