It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
