she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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