we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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