I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize