she was so not down for the gang bang
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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