Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
