Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
