I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
