Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
