White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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