Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
