You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
