Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
