He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
