I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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