I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
