What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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