his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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