does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
