remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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