I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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