I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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