Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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