the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize