well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
